Clear my head

I think its every woman's dream to have a family , a husband a child a good life. Sometimes things don't go expected and plans are rushed or changed. Maybe i was trying to rush that life because i rushed a baby, i never expected to have a child out of wedlock i wanted to raise my child with my husband , in a house, with a dog. I see my dreams floating a aways and the grasp gettting harder to hold. I wanted you to be that person that i could start my life with. its hard to find someone else to love your child as their own and its hard for me to trust anyone around my child. I keep holding on to you thinking its gonna work this time that we can make a family. i am ready to settle down and i want you to be that person. i want my son to grow up with his mother AND father in the same household, i dont wnat my son to be anothe statstics. as hard as i keep trying i know deep in my heart i should give that up and move on, but its so hard when u put everything you have into a person, your hopes, your beliefs, your trust and love then it all shatters and breaks into a million pieces and your left standing there. confused on where to pick up tyour life and start over again. It's so hard to look at all those pieces on the ground and think about how hard you tried to keep it together as one. im standing there looking down at the pieces wondering which ones i want to keep and which one to leave behind. How do i leave behind something i loved sooo much that i wanted so much and just leave it as it meant nothing.